Well right now I don't think I can call myself a blogger, nor a nomad. I haven't been blogging as I can't face writing about the elephant in the cyber-room i.e. the upcoming move to Kuala Lumpur, or as it looks in my mind, the upcoming wrenching away from my life to start over again. Yes, it's the latter attitude which should have me struck off the register of nomads (it's very exclusive, not a lot of people even know it exists). If people ask about the move, I politely answer them. I've even started sorting out our stuff. I've remained mostly calm over the number of forms and certifications and applications required for our visas. Then today; reality hit. My husband texted to say that the landlord wanted to show some people around our home of almost 6 years. Next week. And that was it. The dam burst, and I'm struggling to stop crying. Thank goodness for dark glasses. On a rational level, I know we need to go. I know there are adventures ahead. I know we are lucky to be able to live this nomadic life in relative luxury. I know there are people with real problems, hardships and pain. I know, I know, I know! But somehow my heart doesn't seem to realize all this, and it's breaking. How silly is that! I've moved a lot in the past 13 years but have never, ever felt anything like this about a move. And it's not just the house, that I'll miss; it's my car, my road, my friends, the roundabouts I could drive through with my eyes closed, the neighbours I've never had a conversation with, the shop that never has the bread I want, the kindergarden, the school, the goddamn stupid snow. Oh the list is too long, and I'm being a sentimental, moping eegit about it all.
I'll tell you how bad it is: my mother-in-law is arriving in two hours and I still have to pick one child up from kindergarden, another from football, the house is a mess, my husband is in Stavanger, and I can't be bothered wiping a cloth over the kitchen counter (which, by the way, I'm also going to miss) or tidying up the piles of shoes in the hallway (won't miss), lest she trip over them.
But you know what? I feel better now. Slightly. Thanks for listening to my self-indulgent rant. Maybe I should give this blogging lark another chance. I promise it will get more upbeat, eventually. The nomad stuff though? I'm feeling sort of finished with that right now. Just got to try hide that from the children.
9 comments:
Oh I so hear you on the moving and the saddness and the worry and the stress. But you know what it will all come together, yes the floor may not be clean and those shoes might be just flung into a box and brought with you, you will make it through to KL. Get the MIL to pack a few boxes, mind the kids, go have a bath and relax x
Listening to you was no problem when I finally got to the end - the best part ;-)
That means that I really think you should give this blogging lark another chance!
Award for you over at mine to keep you blogging x
Ah, Johanna, it's not silly to feel sad about leaving your home, your friends, and the country where you've lived for six (!) years. So you go ahead and cry, girl! I'm four years here and am not at all ready to go. Norway is weird that way, I think. It takes years to get used to the place, then, one day, you discover you sort of like it, and then---whawhawhat?---you realize you're really happy here. And that you're super attracted to Jon Almaas. (Oh wait, maybe that's just me.) Anyway, I totally understand what you're going through and will be thinking of you in the coming weeks, hoping you're getting through the challenges and maybe even starting to look forward to your new adventure. You take care, luv.
IM, Renny, Michele - you're all so nice! The MIL has gone well. She hasn't been packing boxes but hasn't minded as I have. Michele - you've totally nailed how Norway gets a grip of you. My step father-in-law reminded me that I didn't like it that much when we first arrived. He might be slightly right but now I'm a total convert. I'm beginning to sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger as far as this country is concerned - I'll be back :)
Will get onto doing a gratitude post soon. It might be very, very long ;)
I hear you! I've started to say goodbye to the country in many different ways. Trying to experience as much as possible before I leave. That new restaurant in town that I never too the time to try, that walk up to Månafossen that I never took, really appreciating the scenery around me etc. It's weird how much you start to appreciate a place when you're about to leave it. I've got 4 weeks to go, and I'm so not ready!
Once you're settled in KL everything will fall into place, I'm certain of it :-)
I am just looking forward to your new adventure. but thinking of you at the same time, and yes it will be hard in the beg. but youll get through it. xox
I think it would be unusual if you didn't feel some regret over leaving a place where you've built a life for you and your family. Coupled with the stress of moving and changing schools, I'd still be crying for a week :) The new adventures will be there when you are ready, but I think it's fine to take minute to grieve and miss the life your leaving.
I can so relate. Hubby and I were talking about being an expat and moving around the world just the other day. I can't stomach another move - I just don't have it in me anymore. It's too upsetting.
Feel for you x
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