The car says it's winter - in September

That's a snowflake symbol beside the temperature. How helpful of Volkswagen.

Poor moose?

Last Thursday at 7.15 am

Autumn Sun: 15 mins ago

Have you noticed how I have mentioned the weather lately? Well that's all about to change. The sun may still be shining but there was frost on the ground this morning so winter is definitely creeping up on us. Groan. I know, I know, I should embrace it. It's not the snow per se that upsets me you know; it's the fact that it hangs around, cluttering up the place, for so long. But Autumn ain't quite over even if the leaves are falling from the trees like rain so there's still some joy to be had in the weather. For some of us at least. Not for all. Apparently hunting season has started. I heard shots ring out on Thursday and Saturday. I'm worried about my mooses. Haven't seen them since Thursday morning. At least, if the worst has happened, they won't have to worry about buying new snow boots. See, there's always a silver lining?

Google national stereotypes

I saw an article on telegraph.co.uk today about Google suggestions relating to national stereotypes. You know when you start typing a word into Google’s search engine and it tries to be helpful by anticipating your search using the most common search terms – presumably to save you the incredible effort of completing typing the sentence.....

Well the Telegraph website provided some screenshots of what Google thinks people might be looking for when they start typing ‘Why do British people….?’ For example: ‘Why do British people have bad teeth?. Ditto Australians. Why do Australians have corks on their hats? Surprisingly, the Telegraph didn’t think the results for Irish and Norwegian stereotypes would be of sufficient interest to publish them. But we know better, don’t we?

Here is what it comes up with for ‘Why do Irish….?’

why do irish people have red hair

why do irish dancers wear wigs

why do irish drink

why do irish have red hair

why do irish people have freckles

why do irish dancers not move their arms

why do irish car bombs curdle

why do irish dancers keep their arms down

why do irish dancers have curly hair

why do irish men wear kilts

Well there you go now, begorra! Before I got carried away reading up on curdling car bombs (!), I thought I'd check out what Norwegian stereotypes were flying around cyberspace.

But either Google can’t be bothered to come up with any suggestions for ‘why do Norwegians...’ or the Cyberworld doesn't much care about Norwegians. Can this really be true??? No, course, not. It must be an oversight on Google's part. Until the internet mammoth rectifies this unforgivable deficiency in its system though, I decided I'd come with a few stereotypical suggestions of my own:

why do Norwegians eat brown cheese

why do Norwegians not let foreigners vote

why do Norwegians not eat proper sandwiches i.e. ones with two slices of bread and something in between

why do Norwegians scowl so much

why do Norwegians act as if you don't exist when standing in an elevator with them

why do Norwegians speak Norwegian

why do Norwegian women have blonde hair

why do Norwegians put up with insanely high prices on all consumer goods

why do Norwegians have cabins

why do Norwegian women wear ugly shoes

why do Norwegians get drunk when their company is paying and/or when abroad

why do Norwegians wear bunads

why do Norwegian teenagers all dress exactly the same

But that’s just a start. I’m sure some of you have even better suggestions. So over to you J

Link to telegraph piece here.

Oh and for the record, I do not have red hair, and have never Irish danced arms down or otherwise. I do however have a few (!) freckles and drink (lots of water, of course).

An open letter to His Gorgeousness the Prime Minister

Dear Mr Stoltenberg,

Let me start by congratulating you and your colleagues on your election victory. It was hardly a surprise that the sexiest man in European politics* (I’d say the world, if it weren’t for the delectable and evermore powerful President Obama) was last night elected to a second consecutive term as the Prime Minster of Norway. Not that I think the Norwegian electorate voted for you based on your looks; they are far too sensible for that. Or are they? I don’t know, actually, not being one of them.

The fact is Mr Stoltenberg that as a 38-year-old with more degrees than some thermometers, an excellent credit rating, a clean driving license from two nations (the ones with the ‘special relationship’ in case you are interested) and a shared tax bill over the past five years residency in your great country that runs into millions of Kroner, I am not considered trustworthy enough to be a member of the Norwegian electorate.

My 17-year old neighbour, who turns 18 next month, is still at school, dates a long-haired boy with trousers that never conceal his Bjorn Borg underwear, never reads a newspaper, dresses exactly the same as every other 17-year-old girl in the country, and thinks the word 'fuck' is Norwegian for 'cool', was able to vote yesterday, but I suspect didn’t bother. This, while I, a former preschool board member, Year 2 class representative and all around upstanding member of the international community, who persists in reading Aftenposten everyday despite the absence of anything interesting to read, avails gratefully of your excellent public childcare system and feeds her daughter brown cheese on a daily basis (this alone makes me practically Norwegian by naturalisation), has no right to vote. Why is that, Mr Stoltenberg? Can it really be because the front of my passport says the word ‘Eire’ and not ‘Norge’? Isn’t that a tad petty in these times of globalisation?

You are not alone of course in denying me my democratic right. The US, Singapore and the Philippines had the same attitude towards me. Only the UK gave me a vote as a tax-paying long-term resident, a right I exercised on the day Tony Blair swept to power in 1997. Well, we all make mistakes, don’t we?

My own country doesn’t allow me to vote either, by virtue of my absence, as there is no overseas voting system for Irish citizens. However, as I haven’t lived there since 1993, the only government policies likely to affect me are taxes on airport travel and inheritance, and possibly third-level education for non-residents, I don’t feel this is in anyway unfair. I do think however, that having half my income taken in taxes in Norway (not to mention the other non-income based taxes I pay everyday while working on my considerable shopping habit) while being denied the right to vote in how these taxes are deployed within the society I live in, is frankly taking the piss.

So Mr Stoltenberg , once your victory hangover has cleared, and you have a little time on your hands, I wonder if you might consider the plight of the tax-paying foreigner so that when the next election comes around, in 2013, I might get to vote (online if news reports are to be believed). It could then be, for both of us, a case of third time lucky (assuming in the meantime that age doesn’t rob you of your good looks and I don’t decide to go pay my taxes somewhere else).

Mvh,

The Irish Nomad in Norway.

* I realise that Carla Bruni might not agree with this statement but I am willing to go stiletto to stiletto with her over it.

Norway vs Ireland (if politics was a beauty pagent)

Norwegians are heading to the polls tomorrow so it seemed like an appropriate time to work on an equation to prove the proportional relationship between the attractiveness of Norway's party leaders compared to those in Ireland and the state of the each country's economy. I'm not ready to reveal it to you yet but I thought you might like a sneak preview in the form of photographic evidence.

Notice anything? Beside the absolute dishiness in my opinion (and I've seen him in the flesh I mean - suit and tie - too) of Norway's Prime Minister Jesn Stoltenberg, the other possible candidates for PM ain't half bad-looking either. They're also women.

Now have a look at the Irish lot. Scowling men in grey suits, prone to exagerrated hand gestures, who look as if they have both BO and halitosis.

What the hell. Sod the equation.

QED

P.S. Sorry but can't manage to sort out captions but am assuming you can figure out which lot is which?

Missing underwear?

Wonder what the story behind this 34 B is.....